So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
