If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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