It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
