I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
