ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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