does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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