what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
