I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Congratulations! We have a period
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