I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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