"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
