I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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