I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
did i walk over a car last night?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Your penis caused this!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
