this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
