Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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