mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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