if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
