I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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