Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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