hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He passed out mid-signature
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
