Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
