sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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