whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
