can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
