No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
