Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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