what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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