someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
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By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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