I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
