I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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