You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
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I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
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It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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