i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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