i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize