All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize