didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
