Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
