she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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