I just made out with a guy for $7.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
