I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
