You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
