The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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