oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
