so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
look no pants
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
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I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
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Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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