My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
