Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
