You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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