Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hippo gnu deer
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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