a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
