I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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