Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
