I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
