If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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