god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
