So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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