ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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