Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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