The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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