got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
