FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
