Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
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You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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