Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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