I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
